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Dr. Max, Professional Therapist* *Not really
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8 Times a Lady August 22, 1997

Dear Dr. Max,

My husband and I have been together for a blissful 22 years. Recently I have found myself fantasizing while we make love. Just last week, I imagined that he was an octupus and I climaxed 8 times. Afterwards, I feel incredibly guilty, as if I had been cheating on him. Though I haven't told him about it, I know he would be upset, as am I. Please help me stop fantasizing before I lose my marriage. 

Sincerely, Climaxed Eight Times
 

Dear Octopussy, 

The octopus is a well known subconscious symbol representing entrapment, indecision and touchy-feely-ness or supergropia. You may be experiencing one or more of these feelings. The fantasy is the subconscious' way of letting you know that you need to come up for air. Dreams of octopus seduction are often accompanied by dreams of quadraplegia, quadra-amputatia or, among the deranged, quadratic equations. Put on the Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" and avoid eating calamari. 
 

- Dr. Max

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